71. Marriage isn’t necessary, but it will make the school
admissions process easier.
72. Glue is edible. Technically.
73. A zoo is a fun way to introduce kids to the concept of
life without parole.
74. Two dollars for a lost tooth.
75. There is a big difference between asking your child
“What did you like most about the museum?” and “You liked the museum, didn’t
you?”
76. You will be in charge of the plunger. Get used to it.
77. Don’t call your son “bro,” but “dude” is okay.
78. Keep the Halloween candy out of reach.
79. If you ask your child who broke the lamp, and
she
answers you while dancing, she’s telling the truth.
80. Your kid is not a little you. He’s a little him.
81. On the first day of school, ask the teacher what
supplies she still needs. Buy them.
82. If they forget their lunch at home, don’t pick up a
Happy Meal and deliver it to them at school. They will conspicuously start
forgetting their lunch on a regular basis.
83. Learn to grill. Everything will assume you know how, so
be ready.
84. Sending them to their room for punishment is a waste a
time. Pick a spot with no entertainment value.
85. Dark chocolate works as well as an over-the-counter
cough suppressant.
86. Don’t let them wear flip-flops on the playground.
87. The “stranger danger” talk will kinda freak them out,
but you need to do it anyway.
88. If he’s interested in playing sports, try a team sport
first.
89. Wash your hands.
90. The problem with being a father is once you’re really,
really good at it, you’re unemployed.
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