The Ultimate Collection of Advice for Fathers Part 2

36. Diapers are great for buffing cars.

37. Talk to your baby. A lot. Narrate your day.

38. If your stroller doesn’t have a cup holder, get one. It’s easier to coordinate a moon landing that steer a stroller with one hand.

39. Pedialyte cures a hangover.

40. When it comes to making a decision, don’t give Mom a bunch of options and leave it to her to decide. She’ll start resenting your inability to take charge.

41. Travel with an extra set of clothes. Both for you and the kid.

42. Baby crying? Hold him against your chest facing out, and do knee bends. Works every time.

43. Say your sorry the same day you make the mistake.

44. A kid’s childhood does not need to be luxurious perfection. Aim for pleasurable survival. 

45. When in doubt, Swiffer.

46. A phone is also a baby monitor: Call your partner. Place your phone on the nursery nightstand. Put your partner’s phone on speaker. Enjoy your evening.

47. If you act dramatic when they take a spill, they will start crying. If you clap and cheer, they won’t.

48. When it comes to raising children, your grandparents’ philosophical advice will be spot-on. Their medical advice will be terrible.

49. Schedule a date night at least once a month.

50. Goldfish crumbs glow like a

radiation leak. Cheerios, a discreet, neutral tan, are your go-to snack for car rides.

51. Side with your partner more often than with your mother. You don’t live with your mother.

52. Don’t stop believin’.

53. When a toddler starts walking, he’ll be attracted to things at his level, like electrical outlets. Babyproof before that happens.

54. If you let your kid play with the iPhone, put it on “airplane mode.”

55. Buy a duplicate of his attachment object (stuffed animal, blanket, etc.) online. You’ll need it sooner than later.

56. Speak up at doctor’s appointments. The pediatrician doesn’t know your child like you do.

57. They’re not repeatedly asking “why” because they’re curious, but because they’re hoping you’ll change your mind.

58. Don’t give them snacks before dinner, and when it is time to eat, serve them the veggies first.

59. The words you’ll use the most are “no” and “don’t.” Think of less negative ways to make your point.

60. Warning: You will eat every chicken nugget and French frie they don’t finish.

61. Don’t get frustrated when your kid can’t make up his mind. You gave him three options for breakfast. When there’s one option, there’s one option. 

62. Wash your hands.

63. Nail polish remover removes grass stains.

64. Point your arm out like you’re walking like an Egyptian. Put your other arm against it to create an “X,” and spread your fingers. You just made a swan shadow puppet.

65. Spending time with your kid is not called babysitting.

66. Washable markers only.

67. Don’t get upset when your 4-year-old says “stupid.” He doesn’t mean it like you mean it.

68. A gumball machine is a great way to teach your child about primary colors and wasteful spending.

69. If your child is colorblind, give him Oreos.

70. Tell your partner “thank you.” A lot. And let your children hear you say it.